Self-Centeredness vs (the rest of the universe and its disregard)

April 12, 2023

When centered in the self, it's easy to think that you're the most important thing, the most valuable thing, and even the only thing that matters.

And this is exactly why the self-centeredness finds it so infuriating that this entire universe exists and none of it gives a damn about you. It exists entirely with or without you, unchanged. You are not the source of all value in the universe.

And everything in the world that reminds you of this feels bad. Almost every experience in the world seems to have a hint of disregard for you. And thus there is an insecure nature. You want validation of your value and approval of your living.

The Exception: "family"

If you're lucky, perhaps you had someone (or multiple people) look after you since you were born (like family or guardians), and maybe they gave you all the validation and approval you needed for the first number of years of your life. And maybe if you're really lucky, they continue to give this to you until one of you dies. But this is "the exception to the rule".

The Default: "disregard"

For most people, you eventually reach a point (an age) where no one will even notice you or pay attention to you unless you do something about it.

By its very nature, the universe does not have much of any regard for you. The default state of life is to be disregarded, ignored, and neglected by virtually everything in the universe except for entropy.

The Fight For Survival

You are born fighting for survival — for just another moment to be alive. But what's fascinating is that humans have created a civilization where that fight for life and that struggle for survival is actually quite simple and easy now, especially compared to the millions of years of human life before.

Before, each human needed others to pay attention to it in order for that person to actually survive, get food, and have basic needs fulfilled. But now, each human can independently fulfill basic needs and survive in the world.

Yet evolution hasn't caught up with this change, because it's so incredibly recent in human history. Thus, we're still stuck with a brain evolved for the times in human history when we lived in tribes and really needed the tribe to acknowledge us and pay attention to us.

The Fight For Approval

Humans have always fought for their value in the universe. But now it takes on a peculiar flavor. Now we have a desperation not of survival but of approval.

To be disregarded once meant the looming threat of death, but today the threat has gone into the philosophical territory of a more abstract anxiety: valuation and validation.

Again, the default human condition is to seek out validation of value, yet the default condition of the universe is to wholly disregard the existence of a single human on planet Earth.

The Universe vs You

Nothing in the universe reflects your internal states, your moods, your mindset, or disposition. If you're tired, the sun doesn't go down and stay down until you've gotten enough rest. If you're cold, the clouds in the sky won't stop pouring snow and rain for you. If you're hungry, the trees won't drop fresh fruit at your feet. If you're horny, your species won't line up to jump in bed with you. If you're enjoying being alive, the bacteria and viruses won't leave you alone and the insects won't stop biting you.

Unfortunately, it feels like the universe is actually betting against you (and all life, for that matter). And in reality, the universe isn't some sentimental entity that has any system/method of valuing or regarding or caring for anything at all — the universe is simply an ongoing set of processes that you happen to have appeared in and are completely swept up along in.

One day, you emerged in the river, kicking and screaming and crying. Now you've somehow been rushed along much further down this river and realize that nothing around you (the river, the bank, the rocks, the trees, the animals, etc) has virtually any sense of regard for you. Yet you also realized something curious, something fascinating:
Sometimes you can get the other swimmers to pay attention to you. Sometimes they can even care for you. And therein you felt valuable and valued; you felt approval, validation, and a sense of love.

The Human Condition

At this point you've probably also realized that every other human is experiencing the exact same thing as you. Every human views the universe as if centered in the self. Every human is self-centered by default. And we're all desperate for attention, because it is in our nature to wish that the universe might actually be as we see it: centered around the self.

Frankly, you may have noticed some people (including yourself) can even get rather pissed off about the facts here all pointing to a simple truth: nothing is at the center of the universe — definitely not any single human.

The Human Narrative

So the narrative goes: "Why doesn't everyone see me? Why doesn't the universe see me as I see me? I see myself as being very, very important! I can't stop taking actions on behalf of myself, in favor of myself, and to the entire benefit of myself! I'm the most important thing in the universe! Why can't anyone/anything else see that? Doesn't anyone see what I see? I wake up every day in my body, with my mind, with my needs, with desires, and with my struggles. If I don't fulfill those desires, no one will. If I don't fulfill those needs, I will die. I feel the consequences of all of these things. I am the direct recipient of these effects. I will literally no longer exist if I don't keep tending to these things. Existence itself, as far as I know it, depends on me doing everything for my body and mind. And I'm terrified of it all ending for me. This is the fear I am conscious of every day. How can no one else see this? Doesn't anyone else care?" (And so on, and so on.)

Is there an alternative to this experience, to this narrative?

Moderation vs Two Extremes

What if you weren't centered in your "self"? What if you weren't centered in anything at all?

What if you took the perspective of the universe? What if the universe doesn't have a perspective?

Is there a spectrum, where there are two extremes: one that is completely centered in the self and one that is centerless among the universe? What might a point of moderation look like on this scale?

Can you acknowledge your intrinsic attachment to your "self" while also acknowledging that the rest of the universe is rather detached from that "self"? What might living like that look like? How might you ease the tension of the anxiety for validity, approve, and value? How might you reject the notion that you are the center of all value or the most important source of value, while also rejecting the notion that you have no value or nothing in the universe has value? Can you admit to the value of all life and "selves"? How do you live in accordance with the valuing of all "selves" experiencing the same strange state of existence?

Surely we mustn't fall prey to extreme nihilism, which says that the universe is devoid of value and thus nothing is important, nothing matters, and everything is meaningless. Yet we also mustn't let our default mode of being reach an extreme in the opposite direction, which says that your "self" is the center of all value and thus you are most important and all meaning is derived from your "self".

All things in moderation. Hanging in the balance is a softer, less extreme perspective that can acknowledge the nuance of both sides and recognize their validity and danger.

Here we find ourselves released from our selfish stupidity and our innate insecurity.